Date

 One night a person brings his better half back home.

They are going to kiss each other goodnight, yet the person is feeling somewhat horny.

With a demeanor of certainty, he inclines with his hand against the wall and, grinning, he tells her "Sweetheart, could you give me a BJ?"

Shocked, she answers "Would you say you are frantic? My folks will see us!"

Him: "Gracious please! Who will see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Might you at any point suppose we get found out?"

Him: "Gracious come on, there's no one around, they're all dozing!"

Her: "Absolutely not a chance. It's simply excessively dangerous!"

Him (horny as damnation): "Good gracious, please, I love you to such an extent!"

Her: "No, no, and negative. I love you as well, yet There's simply no way!"

Him: "Gracious yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. There's simply no way" Him: "I beseech you… "

Suddenly, the light on the steps goes on, and the young lady's sister appears in her night robe, hair rumpled, and in a drowsy voice she says: "Father says to feel free to give him a BJ. Or then again I can make it happen. Or on the other hand on the off chance that need be, he'll descend himself and do it. However, for the love advise him to grasp his hand off the fu*kin radio!..

Gorilla In Bar

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."
The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

A Man Goes To The Doctor

A man goes to the doctor to find out about his recent tests. 
"It's real bad, I'm afraid", says the doc, "you've got a disease so new that it hasn't even got a name yet - we just call it 'Blue 56'. The only certain thing is that you don't have much more than three days to live." 
Naturally the guy is devastated, and goes into a big depression. His girlfriend suggests they go to a casino to cheer him up just a bit till the end comes. So he goes reluctantly. 
As he walks into the Casino, he's the millionth customer and wins a brand new Rolls Royce. 
Then he pulls the handle of a slot machine as he passes, and wins the golden jackpot of £7 million. 
He sits down for a rest at the Blackjack table and wins £100,000 - straight 21's and he can't even be bothered to turn the cards. 
Weighed down with money, he throws it onto the nearest table. But it's the roulette wheel and the money is on 22 - which promptly comes up! 
"Jeez," says the croupier, "I never seen luck like that in my whole life!" 
"No, you don't understand," says the guy, "I've got blue 56..." 
"Woahhhh! Now you've also won todays raffle!!"

The Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. 
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. 
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. 
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." 
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. 
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." 
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. 
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." 
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?" 
Don't mess with Old People.      

Gorilla in Bar

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."
The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men.

Would you a get a girlfriend if I died

Wife: "Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?"

Husband: "Of course not."

Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Ok, I would marry again." (annoyed)

Wife: "Oh..." (sad)

Husband: -silence-

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you two sleep in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "I guess I would, it's almost new."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs, too?"

Husband: "No, she's left handed."

Wife: -silence-

Recently A “Husband Super Store” Opened…

Recently a “Husband Super Store” opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands…

First floor

The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.”

The women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?”

So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.”

“Hmmm,” said the ladies, “But I wonder what’s further up?”

Third floor

This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.”

“Wow,” said the women, “Very tempting.”

But there was another floor so further up they went.

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.”

“Oh, mercy me,” they cried, “Just think what must be awaiting us further on!”

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please.

The exit is to your left; we hope you fall down the stairs.”