Friday, 28 April 2017

Used Car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it." 
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away". 
Each of the women said "We can't drive". 
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?" 
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.

Monday, 24 April 2017

What Are You Doing This Evening ?

Rebecca, the curvy blonde secretary, came out from the cabin of her boss. She was shaking with anger, so a colleague asked her what was wrong.

Rebecca said,"The Boss asked me what was I doing this evening."

The colleague asked, "So what did you say?"

Rebecca answered, "I said I was doing nothing. He gave me 50 pages to type!"

Friday, 21 April 2017

Dumb Horse

A guys car broke down. He pulled over to the side of the road.Luckly there was a farm near by.He asked the farmer if he could help. The farmer said "sure just let me get my horse, Bruce. So they hooked the car up. The farmer called out to his horse,giddyup Sonya! 
The horse did'nt move. Giddyup Tonya! The horse did'nt move. Giddyup Bruce! The horse moved. So when they got back they fixed the mans car. The man said thank you and then asked the farmer why he called different names."

Well" the farmer started, "Bruce won't do anything if he knows he's the only one doing it."

Sunday, 16 April 2017

Cab Driver

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to askhim something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car,nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stoppedcentimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then thedriver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. Youscared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that alittle tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's notreally your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".

Sunday, 9 April 2017

The Shredder

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it." 
"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in. 
"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."  

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Who Shot The Big Buck

Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck dropped immediately. The hunting party rushed to see how big it actually was. Upon reaching the fallen deer, they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole.A debate followed concerning whose buck it was. When a game warden came by, he offered to help. A few moments later, he had the answer.He said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!" The friends were amazed that he could determine that so quickly and with so little examination. The game warden just smiled. "It was easy to figure out. The bullet went in one ear and out the other."