Date

 One night a person brings his better half back home.

They are going to kiss each other goodnight, yet the person is feeling somewhat horny.

With a demeanor of certainty, he inclines with his hand against the wall and, grinning, he tells her "Sweetheart, could you give me a BJ?"

Shocked, she answers "Would you say you are frantic? My folks will see us!"

Him: "Gracious please! Who will see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Might you at any point suppose we get found out?"

Him: "Gracious come on, there's no one around, they're all dozing!"

Her: "Absolutely not a chance. It's simply excessively dangerous!"

Him (horny as damnation): "Good gracious, please, I love you to such an extent!"

Her: "No, no, and negative. I love you as well, yet There's simply no way!"

Him: "Gracious yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. There's simply no way" Him: "I beseech you… "

Suddenly, the light on the steps goes on, and the young lady's sister appears in her night robe, hair rumpled, and in a drowsy voice she says: "Father says to feel free to give him a BJ. Or then again I can make it happen. Or on the other hand on the off chance that need be, he'll descend himself and do it. However, for the love advise him to grasp his hand off the fu*kin radio!..

Grandpa & Grandma

Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

Fooling Around

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."

"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted. 

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George. 

"I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. 

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

A Man Is Dating Three Women And Wants To Decide Which To Marry. This Is Perfect.