Vacation

An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.” Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds. Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?” “Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says. “One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks. “Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.” The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, “What was the hug for?” The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”..

Launderette Reunion

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm so very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?"

"Opened a can of peas instead."

The Hearing Aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Will You Marry Me ?

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

An Elderly Gentleman

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacistto fill his prescription for Viagra. "How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist.

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." 

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don't pee on my shoes." 

Local Drug Store

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra. "How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist.

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." 

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don't pee on my shoes." 

Elderly Man Of 80 Years

There was the elderly man of 80 years who told his doctor that he was about to marry a 20-year-old. The doctor said, "That's great", but thinking of the young bride, said, "Why don't you also take in a young boarder after you get married."

The man said, "That's a great idea, Doc. We'll do just that."

A few months later, the Doctor saw the 80-year-old man, and asked him how he was, and how was his marriage to the young wife?

The man replied, "Fine Doc. And she's fine, too. As a matter of fact, she's pregnant!"

The Doctor smiled, and asked, "And how is the young boarder?"

The man replied, "Oh, she's pregnant, too."