A Minister

A minister dies and is waiting in line at thePearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressedin sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, andjeans. 
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, sothat I may know whether or not to admit you tothe Kingdom of Heaven?" 
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, ofNoo Yawk City." 
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and saysto the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe andgolden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe andstaff, and it's the minister's turn. He standserect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor ofSaint Mary's for the last forty-three years." 
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to theminister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staffand enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was ataxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.How can this be?" 
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter."While you preached, people slept; while he drove,people prayed."

Bedtime Prayers

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"