An Old Man Who Loves Fish

An old man who loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." 
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." 
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. 
The man said, "Are you talking to me?" 
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of." 
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. 
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had." 
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Getting Airsick

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, mean-looking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy sits there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy: "are you feeling better now?"