Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?" 
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. 
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?" 
The boy said, "yes she did." 
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

Getting Airsick

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, mean-looking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy sits there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy: "are you feeling better now?"

At The End Of Your Rope ?

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They
all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No
one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the
brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started
clapping.
(Problem solved.)

The Photographer

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of an enormous forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. 

"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. 

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. 

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." 

"Why?" asked the pilot. 

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. 

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" 

Get Me My Drink

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick your ass".

Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"