Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. 
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ... 
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows" 

A Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, There are $20 bills falling out of your bag."
"'Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?' You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes."
"Well, that seems only fair." laughs the cop. "OK? Good Luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?''
"Well, you know", says the little old lady, "not everybody pays." 

How Was Your Game , Dear ?

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. 

"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. 

"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" 

"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. 

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. 

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. 

"Yup," Scott answered. 

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. 

"I forgot."