Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. 
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" 
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ... 
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows" 

The Sailor And The Pirate

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the sailor. "What about your hook"?

"Well...", replied the pirate, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals"

"Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "How did you get the eyepatch"?

"A sea gull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well...", said the pirate, "..it was my first day with the hook."