The Mischievous Microwave

Once upon a time in the bustling town of Gadgetsville, there was a mischievous microwave named Munchie. Munchie was not your ordinary microwave. It had a knack for pranks and loved to play tricks on the unsuspecting residents. One fine morning, as the sun peeked through the kitchen window, Munchie hatched a plan to start its day with a bang. It waited patiently for Mr. Thompson, an old man with a love for toast, to come down to the kitchen. As soon as Mr. Thompson placed his bread in the toaster, Munchie decided to intervene. With a sly grin on its microwave face, Munchie used its magical powers to heat the bread to an extraordinary degree. It turned the toaster into a little oven, and the bread began to puff up like a balloon. Mr. Thompson, oblivious to Munchie's antics, was startled when the toast shot out of the toaster, soaring across the room like a flying saucer. The toast landed right on top of Munchie, giving it a toasty hat. Mr. Thompson couldn't help but burst into laughter at the absurd sight. Munchie, delighted with the success of its prank, decided to take things further. The next victim on its list was Mrs. Rodriguez, the ever-curious neighbor. Mrs. Rodriguez was a bit of a health enthusiast and had a particular liking for steamed vegetables. Little did she know that Munchie had plans to turn her veggies into a juggling act! As soon as Mrs. Rodriguez placed her bowl of vegetables inside Munchie, the mischievous microwave set its timer to go haywire. Instead of steaming the vegetables gently, Munchie cranked up the power to maximum, causing the veggies to dance wildly inside. Mrs. Rodriguez opened the door, and a whirlwind of hot vegetables came flying out, landing in the most unexpected places. Carrots rolled under the table, broccoli florets perched on the lampshade, and peas scattered like confetti all around the room. Mrs. Rodriguez was astonished, but she couldn't help but chuckle at the ridiculous spectacle. Word of Munchie's pranks quickly spread through the town, and people couldn't wait to experience its mischief firsthand. Kids would line up their snacks, hoping for some amusing surprises, while adults took turns to see what chaos Munchie could create in their kitchens. It became a town-wide game, with Munchie as the ultimate prankster. However, Munchie soon realized that while its pranks were funny, they were also causing quite a mess. It had inadvertently become the cause of chaos instead of just adding laughter to people's lives. Realizing its mistake, Munchie decided to turn over a new leaf. One by one, Munchie sought out its victims and apologized for the havoc it had created. It promised to behave and bring joy to their kitchens without the mess. The townspeople were touched by Munchie's sincerity and forgave the mischievous microwave. From then on, Munchie became a well-behaved kitchen appliance, making delicious snacks and warming the hearts of everyone in Gadgetsville. And so, Munchie learned an important lesson—that laughter is wonderful, but it should never come at the expense of others. And as the town of Gadgetsville embraced Munchie's transformation, it became a place where pranks were replaced by laughter, and chaos turned into merriment.

Irish Tradition

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says,

Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I've quit drinking!”

Breakfast

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "They're up in bed."

The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They're still up in bed."

Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied, "They're still up in bed."

The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?" 

The little boy replied, "Well, last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

The Big Squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

A Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, There are $20 bills falling out of your bag."
"'Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?' You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes."
"Well, that seems only fair." laughs the cop. "OK? Good Luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?''
"Well, you know", says the little old lady, "not everybody pays." 

Laughing Baby

A baby is just born. It has all of its parts and looks quite normal. The only problem is, the baby is laughing. Not just laughing, but laughing hysterically. The doctors and nurses examine the little tyke, from top to bottom and from front to back in front of the worried parents. With his tiny fists clenched and tears rolling down his face, the baby just continues to laugh. One by one the pediatrician unfolds the tiny fingers checking to see if the baby's hands are all right. As they open the baby's hand, to their surprise what do they see, but a birth control pill!