A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny. 

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!" 

The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault." 

The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny. 

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?" 

The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

Meeting The Pope

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.

As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.

The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.

This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear..

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f**k out of here."

Three Men At Bar

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"

"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"

The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

An Elderly Gentleman

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacistto fill his prescription for Viagra. "How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist.

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." 

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don't pee on my shoes." 

Nasa Mars Mission

NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my alma mater -- Rice University."

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.

"Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer."

St. Peter And The Blonde

Some ecclesiastical gentlemen -- a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others -- were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up. 

He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first. 

A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through.The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment? 

St. Peter smiled and told him: "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined."

At The Mall

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try to throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... the Woolworth’s manager sees her and shuts the horse off.