I Smile

Two Mysterious People

Pearly Gates

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. 

Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" 

The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." 

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. 

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." 

The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter." 

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true. 

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" 

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell." 

Tour Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. 

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. 

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts. 

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?" 

"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied. 

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Late For Work

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss. "But where were you yesterday?"

Man and Wife in Heaven

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

"What word?" she asked.

"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."

The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"

"Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."

"What word?" he asked.

The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."

Playing House

A couple of young children are at day care one day when one of the little girls approaches Tommy and says, "Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?"

"Sure! What do you want me to do?" he asks.

The little girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" questions a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means..."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."