Three Nuns

Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must answer a question." Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?" She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven.

So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman on earth?" She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens - birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.

So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven!

Pearly Gates

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. 

Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" 

The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." 

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. 

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." 

The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter." 

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true. 

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" 

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell." 

Taxi Driver

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. 

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" 

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." 

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." 

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" 

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."