Dog Bite

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.

The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."

A Man Is In His Front Yard

A man is in his front yard attempting to flya kite with his son. However, every time thekite gets up into the air, it comes crashingback down. 

This goes on for a while, when his wife sticksher head out of the front door and yells, "Youneed more tail." 

The father turns to his son and says, "Son,I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday,I told her I needed more tail, and she told meto go fly a kite!"