Plaster Of Paris

A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. 
He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." 
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.
He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" 
This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

The Preacher's Sunday Sermon

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands. He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady. 

"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" 

"I don't have any." 

"Mrs. Johnson that is very unusual. How old are you?" 

"Ninety-three," she replied. 

"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?" 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said, "I outlived every one of those bitches!"