Grandmother

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" 
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. 
The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?" 
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Christmas For Mailman

I'm a mailman.

At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread.

After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more."

She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined.

I told her I had no idea she felt this way.

She said, "I don't."

I ask, "What was all this about?"

She says, "I asked the husband what to give the mailman."

He said, "Screw the mailman, breakfast was my idea."

Postman

One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. 

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the postman comments. 

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'Who Am I.'" 

The postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?" 

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." 

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that." 

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."