Showing posts with label Bank. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bank. Show all posts

Friday 17 February 2017

Black Powder


A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. 
"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager. 
"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach." 
"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied. 
So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. 
The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off." 
"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder." 
"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?" 
"Give me a peach and I'll show you."



Wednesday 4 January 2017

A Frog Walks Into A Bank


A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. "Hey, listen" says the frog. "I really need a loan! I'm out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for them!"
Now Paddy feels very sorry for the poor frog and asks him if he has any collateral. He holds up a small glass elephant. Paddy is a little surprised by this, and quite unsure, but she feels so sorry for the the poor frog that she takes the elephant to her manager. "Mr. Manager, sir," Paddy begins "there is a frog out there who deperately needs a loan. He's out of work and he has a wife and tadpoles who are at home starving. He needs some money so he can provide for them! But all he has for collateral is this little glass elephant. What should I do?"

Well, Mr. Manager takes a good hard look at that elephant, thinks about it a little, and then replies, "It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!"



Tuesday 21 June 2016

Lawyers Got Robbed



Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."


Saturday 29 August 2015

Three Wishes



One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!"

The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!"

"Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account."

The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!"

"Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared!

"This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?"

"Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted."

The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it.

"Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......"



Friday 24 July 2015

Black Powder


A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. 
"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager. 
"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach." 
"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied. 
So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. 
The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off." 
"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder." 
"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"
"Give me a peach and I'll show you."





Monday 13 April 2015

A Trip To The Bank




A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, “It’s a lot of money!” The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash on his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, “Ma’am, where did you get this money?”
The old lady replied, “I make bets.”
The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”
The old woman said, “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”
The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?”
“Sure,” said the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”
The old lady said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?”
“Sure!” replied the confident president.
That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!” The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. “Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, “What wrong with your lawyer?” She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I’d have the Bank president’s balls in my hand!”