A Tall Man

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his pants, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
"What's that?" the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his willy he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
"You didn't tell me you had AIDS!" the lady screams.
"No, no! Calm down," the man replies. "This will say ADIDAS in a minute."

Tractor Salesman

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer. 

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. 

"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop." 

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob. 

"How do you figure?" asked John. 

"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me! But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down.

And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"