Strange People

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. 
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. 
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.' 
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.' 
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.' 

The Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. 
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. 
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. 
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." 
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. 
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." 
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said. 
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." 
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?" 
Don't mess with Old People.      

Assignment Difficulty

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night’s homework assignment:

How many people were able to complete the assignment without parents help?

About 25% of the class raises their hands. How many people we able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent? About 70% of the class raises their hand. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands.

She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment?