Second Honeymoon

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"Uh huh," said the old man.

"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

After 40 Years Of Marriage

After 40 years of marriage, the wife had not received a gift for Xmas, birthday, or anniversary since the first Xmas. So she drug her husband to the counselor.
After explaining all of this to the counselor, she looked at her husband with tears in her eyes and asked, "Why do you treat me this way?" 
The husband said, "I am a very practical man, so when you use the first present I got you, I'll get you another." 
The counselor asked, "What did he get you?" 
The wife bowed her head and whispered, "A cemetery plot."

Old Chinese Couple

An old Chinese couple was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. At bed time the old lady looked over at her husband of 4 decades and said, "For our anniversary I want you to pick any sexual pleasure you desire and I will do it".

The old man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've always wanted to try the 69".

The old Chinese woman stared at her husband with a confused look on her face and said, "You want the beef with rice or chips?"